


1 AM

by astrals (falqner)



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Insomnia, M/M, POV Second Person, also warning for death symbolism, dreams (kinda)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-16
Updated: 2020-05-16
Packaged: 2021-03-03 05:08:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 425
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24209485
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/falqner/pseuds/astrals
Summary: When he finds himself sleeping, he must stay awake. He cannot fall asleep.
Relationships: Kindaichi Yuutarou/Kunimi Akira
Comments: 8
Kudos: 25





	1 AM

**Author's Note:**

> remind me to buy "The Bell Jar".

**i shut my eyes and all the world drops dead;**

**i lift my eyes and all is born again.**

**~ Sylvia Plath,** **_The Bell Jar_ **

* * *

You see nothing at 1 AM. Close your eyes, pretend it’s in your control, touch the broken bones that squeeze your ribs and crush your heart. You say nothing of it. There is nothing around you, just a few stars scattered in the sky. Tokyo has never had the brightest skyline.

You close your eyes again, watch the world drop dead behind your eyelids, pretend no one will die by your hand. It’s an uncomfortable feeling that makes you squirm in place. You know they’re not okay, you know you’re not okay, but you are the epitome of calm and poised, so you say nothing as the days carry on.

(You do not mutter anything when Yuutarou asks what’s wrong, when he cradles your jaw like you are something special. You are not special, you are just a shadow of someone else, someone better.)

“Akira,” he mumbles, “what’s going on?”

You are sitting on his bed, digital clock blaring 2:00 in neon green. You don’t sleep anymore, not really, because you can feel his heart stop and stutter and the blood won’t rush anymore and you don’t want to  _ see Kindaichi Yuutarou dead. _ You resign yourself, let the control take over. You are poised and ready, all-knowing and calm.

(Truthfully, you are far, far too afraid. You do not admit this.)

He turns on the lamp, sees your eyes darken, tells you  _ it’s okay, you can fall asleep, I’ll be here in the morning, just please go to bed Akira _ , and you have no reason not to believe him anymore. But, you don't believe him. You shake your head _no,_ tell him they'll come for him and they'll take him and then you'll be all alone—

You want nothing but to collapse and sink your head into his chest, your fingers touching the seams of his shirt and gripping the textured collar.

(You can’t, you can’t, you  _ know _ you can’t.)

“I’m so sorry,” you croak out in the dead of night, eyes wide open and unseeing. You don’t want to see him, any of them. “I’m so sorry,” you say as you kiss him, eyes still open because you don’t want to feel him go slack against your jaw, his hands dropping from where he’s gripping your shoulders. “I’m so sorry,” you say once more before exhaustion takes you in and you fall.

You wake up and open your eyes.

**Author's Note:**

> Warmups tend to be better than my actual fic. rip.  
> [Twitter](https://twitter.com/falqner) | [Tumblr](https://falqner.tumblr.com) | [CuriousCat](https://curiouscat.me/falqner)


End file.
